i stand by my window, smoking and i see, down below, cars running on a main road and i hear monotonous noise from the generator. i am alone here now. my brother just left for school. he studies software engineering in makati, a field that is worlds apart from mine. i am a doctor in training. i imagine how easy his life is and how he has the freedom and the means to make it much more colorful and richer. i imagine how i can't have that. i am almost 25 years old.
then i remember how i wanted at least one of my children to become a doctor because it is so hard to not have a doctor in the family. if something medical occurs at home, it would be quite a relief if there were someone around to immediately decide if it's an emergency or not or if it ought to be brought to a hospital or it can be managed appropriately at home. not only would it save the family from worries but also from unnecessary expense. i decided at least one of my children shall become a doctor.
but now that has changed. it's not worth it. i would hate to see or know what my child would be going through just to become a doctor. now i find being a doctor unnecessary for me. if i had gone to another field, like in the corporate world for example, i am certain i'd be rich by now. and if i get sick or any of my family gets sick, that would not be a problem because i'd be able to pay a doctor's services. i would pay doctors and make demands and they won't complain because i have the money.
ever since i was old enough to think for myself, i thought being a doctor and helping sick people was honorable and sincere. now i only see it as a business like the ones we see on yellow pages, catering health services making sure the hospital, the HMOs, and the paying customers aka patients are always satisfied. the idea of reaching out and curing the sick sounded so simple then but it is not. i wonder if it was like this during the starting years of my father as a doctor.
i think my problem is i don't see the respect i think is due doctors. people have become arrogant enough to expect perfection squared bullshit.
[ back home ]
Comments for people suck
i will never know what it is to be like in your place. i am not a doctor or will i ever be in my right mind, try to become one. but i want to tell you, that helping the sick is the job of the brave. i know that you knew that you'd go through hell just to become one (med school, 36 hour shifts etc) but you still went through everything. there must be some good reason why you're still in the hospital.have faith, (this is getting corny, but there is no other good/cool word to substitute faith) because it is still an honorable thing to heal people (if not heal, comfort)and because i am looking up to you.
- Posted at 2/19/2013 10:45:00 PM | By
Romans 7:21-25 "so i find this law at work: when i want to do good, evil is right there with me.
for in my inner being i delight in god's law; but i see another law at work in the members of my body,
waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
what a wretched man i am! who will rescue me from this body of death?
thanks be to god—through jesus christ our lord!"
MENTAL WANDERLUST of a FOOL
